Relatives from Hell.

 

Let’s face it, you put up with a lot more bad behavior from relatives than you should.

Maybe because ‘blood is thicker than water.’

Whenever they hurt you, you are so quick to forgive them.

The gypsy cousin who keeps showing up at your door without asking, the black sheep uncle who keeps disrupting your family’s peace each time your dad makes a stride, the mother-in-law who can’t let your mother run her family as she desires.

The truth is we all have that one hellish relative who keeps messing up our family’s peace.

Take Kimotho for example…..

Kimotho complains about the relatives from the father’s side, according to him, it’s more chaotic from the father’s side than it is from the mother’s.

Eternal conflicts
“They are always arguing, it’s like putting radioactive humans together…they will always have a conflict and if there is none, then they will create one.”

We have all seen or heard stories of brothers fighting for status amongst each other. This negatively competitive attitude of trying to prove who is better than the other, causes a rift between families. Often this will find its way to the kids who will take part in a war they know nothing about in a bid to ‘defend’ the family name.

Kimotho’s family is an example of family that can be toxic

There is another often unmentioned category of family…..

‘I need a favor’ relatives.

Sharon’s biggest offender is her cousin. She shows up when she needs money or favors. “I feel like her ATM,” she exclaims.

“Whenever it’s her turn to return the favor, she will always go MIA (Missing In Action.)

Do you know a relative like that?

Inherited bitterness

It’s not a new thing to find yourself bitter with your uncle for what he did to your mother. The ‘inherited bitterness’ somehow trickles down to you. Do you find ways to justify being angry in a conflict you didn’t take part in?

Most of us are unable to break off from toxic family ties. We get hurt. Resolve to break all ties. But before we know it. We are back to the same circle.

Does this sound like a familiar circle?

Is it right to forgive family and relatives that keep hurting you?

Despite all the challenges, drama and conflict in family, many of us still protect our own, Whatever happens in our family stays in our family.

Majority of us choose to forgive.

I believe it is good for them.

But I also believe it is at the forgiveness point that we lose the plot.

In my view, forgiveness seems like an easy way to lock ourselves up in a cycle of abuse and misuse.

Forgiveness is misused and abused.

It makes me sad to see the damage family has on the lives of people. People who still forgive them, yet find themselves back in the hurting cycle and sadly more hurt than the last time.

An essential element of growth is letting people face the consequences for their bad behaviors.

My challenge for you is to consider a different choice.

To allow your family to learn and treat you differently.

To learn where to draw the line.

And when to say no to toxic family.

Email: brnosano@gmail.com