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Day 365 out of 365. You made it!

Its been a whole 360, 12 months down, day 365 out of 365. You actually made it through mate. To some it's been such an incredible year, to some, an hectic one. 

Truth is, this year has felt more like a  rollercoaster, but I wont discredit the fact that I have lost more in the past couple years than I'd like to think about. I have lost some important people in my life too, lost my dreams. I'd say that actually I have lost myself in a given point.  With this, I have actually lost the things that seemed to give my life a meaning, or at least that is what I thought. 

Sometimes, we dont really recognize these things. It is untill they are actually gone that you realize the void that they filled within you. 

Well, its not like our life's meaning isn't just automatically implanted into us, you get to find it. I have found it once, so I could find it again. So can you. But one thing about loss is that it robs you a lot, your peace, your confidence, your esteem and your life as a whole especially when you hold onto what you lost.

As much as your life might feel like a broken car, a bunch of useless moving parts. While you spend your nights thinking through the why's. Too scared of facing a new day because you dont know yet another trouble that comes with it. 

While Mondays aren't always as bright as you would wish them to be. On Tuesdays, you still lose the fight. On Wednesday you can't help but wish that it would rush through to Friday and still on the weekends you still can't seem to have your grip yet as the new week approaches and the cycle continues. 

But at some point you get to realize troubles are always going to be there. So how about this time, instead of letting it bring you to your knees, how about you look up and dare to dream again. 

Look up and see the sunlight. 

Look up, there's flowers in your hair...

And hold on, because someone loves you. 

Hold on because you going to get through this.

And just like sauti sol would say "better days are coming mate".You will survive. You will rise this time, higher. 

Sometimes, you really never get to find what you lost. Sometimes its actually so broken that it cant be redeemable and holding onto it actually ends up breaking you.  Well, thats one lesson I have learnt and so what I wont do is hold onto what I've lost. Instead, I will look at loss not as an end to my life's meaning but as a change. Change that changes with us, that gives us a pathway to a new chapter. And so, like before, I'm going to find something that makes me feel alive, whole and I wont take it for granted. Just want to put myself out there...again. For the phoenix must burn to emerge and just like they said "what doesn't kill you..." 

You've probably walked through the fire and the rain before. You have felt the heartaches and the pain...but that didn't stop you yet. 

Just like you, although I am small, I got alot of heart...

This time, 

I wont be afraid to face the dark. 

This time,

I wont let doubt stop me.

This time, 

I wont let shame hold me down.

And this time, 

I'm going to stand up taller, raise my head higher

Because I am a fighter, a survivor.

And nothing beats  a man with effort. Happy New year 2023...in advance though. 

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