This Other Side.

It is January 10th, 6:44 a.m. I can't turn my head off. 

Funny how I haven’t slept at all, today, or maybe since yesterday.

Frankly, I don’t want to sleep. I’m afraid the rest of the day will take a toll on me if I do.

But here I am.

It’s been a while since I last wrote. This morning, I feel inspired again.

And you probably already know what my inspiration is.

Yes, you guessed right. It’s a girl.

She’s a beauty. Truly. I noticed it at first, felt it even, but brushed it off because of a silly pact I made with myself: no pursuing girls from church. Not after what happened the last time.

But this one feels different.

She really does.

She’s calm. Collected. And when she smiles; man, when she smiles, my head goes into a frenzy.

Crazy, right?

I finally told her I found her attractive. I said, “It would be unfair if I never told you how beautiful of a human being you are.”

It took courage, but I meant every word. My voice didn’t shake at all, my heart did. It has been a while since I felt this.

I know it is crazy, don’t even say it…

Yesterday, today? I promised to make her a playlist. She loves chilled music but says she’s too lazy to curate one herself, so she lets Siri do the work. Apparently, Siri’s been acting up lately, ladies, you know.

My creative side wasn’t at its peak, and for some reason I blamed it on my living room. It wasn’t sparkling the way my mind needed it to. So I cleaned it up… at 3:20 a.m.

I know it sounds creepy. Blame it on my roots, mate, probably groomed early on to be active at odd hours. Dark times, man. Dark times.

So here I am, at 4:10 a.m., building a full one-hour playlist for my “the one.”

Not yet, at least. Yes ‘the one’ haha.

And I’m enjoying it. It doesn’t even feel like work. Just thinking about her being that ignites something warm and beautiful in me.

She’s stunning (read hot). I want to tell her that, but gently, without crossing into something that feels wrong. Maybe when the time is right. But is time ever really right, or do you just do it? Or maybe Nike lied to us.

I guess I’ll know when it’s right.

She’s smart. Our conversations make my mind swim.

She carries herself like royalty. I want to call her a princess, maybe even my queen, but we’ll see what the universe allows. Yes, I know what I said Kimani, ‘queen’. Don’t ask.

And man… she replies fast enough that I don’t spiral into overthinking. That alone feels like a small miracle.

I really like her.

I’m listening to the playlist now.

And honestly?

I’m proud of myself.

She says she values friendship. I agree, friendship is important. But then I wonder: how do I make sure I don’t end up friend-zoned? Where’s the balance?

No. I’m overthinking again.

I’ll tell her I like her, but I want to know her first, as a friend. That’s what a man is supposed to do, right?

Easier said, though.

I told her I’m a patient man. And I am. It’s a virtue I take pride in. But right now, with her, my patience isn’t at its best. What if I say it too late and lose my chance?

Wait, there I go again.

She isn’t complicated. She’s real. She says what’s on her mind. She doesn’t understand why people wear nonchalance like a badge of honor. She’d rather be honest.

Exactly my type.

I smile. I love that about her.

I’ll stick around. Paint smiles on her face whenever I can; because I want to. But I won’t overdo it. I don’t want it to feel overwhelming.

So yes, I’ll let the universe guide me.

I’ll know when to. Welcome to this other side Osano!